The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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