I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize
