i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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