do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
