She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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