I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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