does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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