If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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