i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
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