last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
