hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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