every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
