I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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