There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
