he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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