FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
