I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
