I have demons in me.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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