My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
