I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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