Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
