I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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