when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
