Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
