Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
