so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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