If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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