I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
