when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
