i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
