I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize