oh god the rape fog is back!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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