just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
