i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
