Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We have started to decorate penises.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
