there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
