This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
