so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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