i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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