okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
