cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize