I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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