I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
