i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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