i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
too bad you live with your parents still
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
