dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
