Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize