i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize