Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My balls are so social today.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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