How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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