Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
