Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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