conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
