It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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