Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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