What did we do last night that was yellow?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
