I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
