Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
