He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
