I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize