Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
