So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
