slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
