he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
