You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Randomize
