i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
