Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
