I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think I just shit out all my problems.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
