no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
