My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
