honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
