her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize