I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
